Lying is a normal human act. Either you avoid telling the truth or opt to tell otherwise, lying is perfectly normal, and understandable. Unlike what we normally see, or read in stories, normal human beings lie because of what they think are good causes. It’s not like we’re always covering up an evil scheme, or trying to protect yourself from a murder suit. No. Most of the times, we lie for something good for us, hence white lies.
But there are some white lies that just don’t do you good. There are lies that makes you sad, either you are conscious of this or not. Sometimes, it’s better to tell the truth and be hurt than live your life in a lie and slowly rot inside. I’m giving you these lies you need to stop telling for you to finally become happier. Here’s the list
It’s okay. I understand
Scenario: Someone just did something wrong to you. Say, he cheated on you. You found out, the next day, he comes over to ask for an apology. He explains everything: what happened, who was the other woman and why he cheated. You broke up, left with an aching feeling inside. He asks for forgiveness over and over again and you just say, “It’s okay. I understand.”
Why is this bad for you: Once you get used to saying this lie over and over again, you’ll be trapped in a bubble where people always assume that when they do something that hurts you, you’ll understand. They won’t even be guilty about it because they think that “it’s okay” and you’ll understand.
What should you do? Speak up. Have the courage to say how hurtful you felt about what people do unto you. If it’s not okay, they tell them it’s not okay, and you don’t understand. They might get mad at you for being so upfront, but shrug it off. The fault is theirs to begin with.
I’m okay, don’t worry
Scenario: You just went through a rough breakup. Your friends, being as meddlesome as they are (but totally concerned, don’t get me wrong) tries to comfort you. One question you always answer is Are you okay? Of course, deep inside you’re broken. A person just left a big void in your heart, so it’s just logical to say you’re not. But you don’t want people to worry about you. You want to be seen as some sturdy foundation where every emotional strength in your gang is leaning and you think that if you break down and cry, they’ll lose hope in their own battles too, so you just lie your ass out and say, “I’m okay, don’t worry.”
Why is this bad for you: Short answer is, you’re not okay! Your world is slowly crumbling down. Lying to yourself that you are doing perfectly normal won’t help you. Remember that pain demands to be felt.
What should you do? For you to completely move on, you need to acknowledge that you are not doing well. That’s the first step of moving on, acknowledging that you’re hurting. Once you’ve done this, you’ll slowly heal, and become better again.
We’re just friends
Scenario: You’re in love with your best friend, and it’s evident from your actions. People ask you what’s the real score between you two, and you deny what you really feel and say, “We’re just friends”
Why is this bad for you? You’ll really never understand the value of telling people what you really feel about them until you lose them for good. I personally learned that the hard way. Blabbering to all your friends that you’re just friends won’t do you any good, I tell you. The more you deny that you are deeply and madly in love with this girl, the lesser your chances are of ever being with her. Convincing yourself that it’s better that you become just friends is poppycock! You can’t be friends with someone you’re madly in love with. You’ll just complicate things.
What should you do? Tell her how you really feel. Let me ask you, would you rather let go of the chance to be with the woman you love because you’re to scared to take the risk? Would you be able to accept that you’re giving off love to someone who has no idea about it, hence will never reciprocate the same amount? Would you be happy to see her dating another guy when you know that you two should end up together? Man up, man. Before it’s too late.
I’m happy for you
Scenario: You bumped into your ex, whom you still love. You’re all civil and all because the breakup ended in good terms and loose ends were tied in. He tells you about his plans to ask out someone you know. Seeing him happy, you realize that you shouldn’t get in the way of his happiness and just let him go. And then you say, “I’m happy for you.”
Why is this bad for you? Because you’re getting in the way of your own happiness. Think of this, if you’re in the opposite side of the story, do you think the woman who’s in your place right now will think twice in getting your boyfriend back? Of course not.
What should you do? Show the person you’re not happy. Be upfront. Tell him you want him back. Once and for all, stop thinking about getting in the way of other people’s happiness, especially if that will get in the way of your own.