Time flies by fast, it’s true. Not so long ago, I was a 15 year old girl with big dreams and limited knowledge of the world, but just a couple months from now, I’ll be 21. Gone is the naive girl I used to be, I miss her, yes, but I’m loving this woman looking back at me in the mirror.
She’s not perfectly rational all the time, her looks won’t catch your attention but her ever-present smile might, she’s not always witty and her idea of fun may be a little SPG, but heck, I am loving this woman I’m becoming.
I’ve matured enough to be over excessively worrying about what others think of me. Sure I still put on makeup and take a little more time than necessary in the bathroom, but it’s no longer because I want to impress others. I do it because I want to not because I have to. You see my point?
I’ve recently cut my social circle for I felt the need to cut ties with people who hindered my growth. I’ve outgrown these people who saw nothing but flaws in me, I’ve outgrown those who offered empty compliments to cover their ill-wishes, I stopped reaching out to ‘friends’ who only remembered me when they need something, and I’ve had enough of girls who continuously put other girls down just to prove that they’re better. I’ve outgrown these people and I’m not afraid to tell them that.
I’ve become braver and odd enough, that scares me a little. For this braveness tells me that I am capable of doing things by myself. It tells me that I can face tomorrow on my own. And for a ‘brave’ extrovert like me, that’s a pretty scary, bold thought to process.
With everything that’s happening in my life, the 15-year-old me would’ve gone berserk by now, which is another thing I am truly proud of the woman I am becoming. Yes, I still cry myself to sleep some nights and carry the same burdens everyday, but this woman I’m becoming wakes up every morning with genuine warmth and positive vibes. Even I, don’t know how I manage to feel this good about life in general, considering everything I’m going through at the moment. Though I have a hint that my mom’s words might be responsible for it. She once told me this and it has since resonated with me:
Life goes on. There will be days when you’ll feel down and days when you’ll feel like flying. But life goes on no matter where you are.
It wasn’t the sweetest of advice but it hit on all the right places. So whenever I feel like quitting, I’m always reminded that life continues on moving and that tomorrow, I might be heading to a different destination.
I’m learning how to outsmart life and though I don’t always succeed, it’s always worth a try.
I’m learning to love myself, my scars, my mistakes, and all the other ugly parts of me that I just can’t readily share to everyone.
I’m learning to forgive myself faster, not yet as fast as how I forgive others but I’m getting there.
I’m learning that the things I love now may change. I will love different things in the future but that doesn’t mean I’ll be different too. I’ll still be the me who is defined by the things that I love, not what loves me.
I’m learning that I deserve a relationship with someone that I don’t have to question. I’m learning that I deserve someone who is sure of me. And I’m learning to wait for him, instead of fooling myself that I’ve already found him.
Lastly, I’ve learned that I am my greatest investment, and I’m happy with everything I’ve invested so far.