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The world we live in is mostly constituted by pairs: shoes, socks, mittens, pants and a lot more. And in a world where pairs are dominant, being a singleton can sometimes be depressing. But  not all times. There are moments that being single can be the most amazing thing that could  happen to you.

Being single has its perks and snags. There are times in life that being single is magnificent and there are times when it’s like a living hell. Today, let’s talk about perks. Being single, you are entitled a get out of jail free card on some behaviors which, for some people are considered abominations. And this makes being single awesome!

Here are five repulsive behaviors only singles can really afford

Hiatus with showering

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Don’t feel like taking a shower for a few days? Too tired to hit the bath after a sweaty workout? No problem. There’s no one to be grossed out by your stench but you. You can be a total slacker! In fact, you can go on days without showering because no one will ever know you didn’t take a shower.

Truce with Shaving

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This goes true for women. Not being compelled to shave every freakin day because you don’t want your new boyfriend to find out you’re a gosh darn Sasquatch is a luxury. You’ll find this to be relaxing because you don’t have to pretend for a few months that you’re some hairless bimbo just so until he gets comfortable enough to see your black-forest of a thigh. When you’re unattached, there will be no dude to touch your leg and expect a silk feel. You can let that leg be hairy for as long as you want.

Inconvenient Body Functions

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When  you’re single, you’re saved from the trouble of worrying about eating too much tacos and having a bowel blowout. You can burp, sneeze, fart (or the three at the same time) any time. You also have the luxury of pooping anytime you want. No anxious toilet visits and sketchy exits, the door is wide open. Now for god’s sake, pull your pants down, sit in the bowl and take a shit.

Serial Dating

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This is an obvious hit but this is one of the biggest things about being single. You’re free to date anyone, anytime. Yes, some of your attached friends look happy and settling for something serious but having the liberty to swipe any girl you want on Tinder? Hang out in bars and pick up chicks? Imagine the great number of steamy make-outs, random hook ups and Columbus-like expeditions you can do with the opposite sex? Come on, admit it. It’s pretty awesome.

Selfishness

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Because you are single, everything is yours alone, especially time. Of course, you need to consider work, family and friends in this time share but most of the time, you can do anything you want. While couples cannot move without using the pronoun we, and cascading decisions to each other, you can instantly make up your mind on something without worry. You call the shots in this game buddy. There is no reason to check your phone every now and then, no lingering worry that someone might know what the hell are you doing or no one to think of when you’re doing something crazy.

Being single is awesome. You can get away with obnoxious behaviors because you earned it. Sometimes, being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely because life offers amazing things for singletons too! So be repellant!

Rudolph Musngi

Rudolph is the mind that spawned this mischief. He is purely evil and loves to plot evil things. He pretends for a living. Everyday he goes to work and faces the world like he's the nicest guy ever.

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